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Lesson Five: Siren Song
of Satisfaction It was a Saturday evening, and we were having
a dinner party at the home of one of my Mastermind Council
members. The topic of conversation turned to complacency.
Or more specifically mediocrity.
Falling into a comfort zone. Settling
for good, when we know we can be great.
One of the guests was a good friend who wants
to be a speaker. Or so he says. He even attended my last Speakers
Institute, where it became obvious that he is an engaging
presenter, has a lot of information to share, and should probably
be doing exactly that.
At the Institute he outlined a number of things
he wanted to do, products he wanted to develop, and workshops
he could conduct. I even encouraged him to join my Mastermind
Council, because I thought the intellectual and creative stimulation
is exactly what he needs to bust loose.
He never joined, saying he needed the money
for a house he was buying. In fact, he has never even joined
at the beginner level. Like a lot of my friends, he figures
he talks to me all the time, so why pay money to join something
like that? (Just another manifestation of the hometown prophet
syndrome.)
In the year and a half since the Institute,
he has done exactly nothing to further his dream. What happened?
Life. Or more specifically, the day-to-day “busy-ness”
of life. He’s in his new house, active with his profession,
and doing all the things we all do.
But we all do those things. Yet some of us
still find the time to pursue our dreams.
What’s the difference?
Now another friend was supposed to join us
that night, but he had to cancel. He is already a professional
speaker. For the last two years he has been chatting with
me about repositioning his business to face the changing realities
of the marketplace. We explored it a while back, and I gave
him an informal “Hot Seat,” creating some recommendations
for what he could do. I think what I came up with has a lot
of potential in the market, and could prove to be quite lucrative
for him.
He has yet to move forward on it, opting instead
to wait back and see if something else will develop. He talks
about it a lot, and keeps reanalyzing the situation, but hasn’t
taken any action to move forward. So what’s holding
him back?
I think the answer is similar for him as it
is for my other friend. Like it is for you and me. Sometimes
we are hungry, but we’re not HUNGRY. Sometimes the siren
song of the status quo seduces us. This is lack programming
at work.
At the dinner party the other night, my friend
kept saying things like, “If you saw how far I’ve
come already,” and “Compared to where I was a
few years ago…”
And that’s where the danger is
. . .
Validation. Golden handcuffs. Because we are
not starving in the street, we sometimes can get complacent
with our circumstances. You may want more out of life, but
if you are moderately comfortable with your current state,
you might not be motivated enough to really dig in and attempt
something bold, daring and challenging.
Now a lot of people will simply say, “So
What? What’s wrong with that? If you’ve reached
a certain level of success, why not take some time to smell
the roses/be grateful for what you have/be satisfied with
what the Lord has given you/blah, blah, blah?”
Because that is a crime against nature.
Your nature.
Your nature as a human to grow, develop, and
unfold into your greatest good.
There is nothing sadder and more tragic—than
untapped human potential. For untapped potential—no
matter what level you are at—is an acceptance of mediocrity.
And a denial of your greatness.
This holds true at any level.
If Alex Rodriquez is happy being the 10th greatest baseball
player in the league—that’s mediocrity. Because
he has the skills to be the best.
Now you could say that even at number ten,
Alex is still better at baseball than six billion people,
and he is in the 99.99 percentile. But for him to settle for
the 10th best would still be mediocrity for him, because he
is the best baseball player alive today.
Tiger Woods could decide to train less, take
things easier, and settle for being the second or third best
golfer on the circuit. And you know what? For him, that would
be settling for mediocrity.
It’s easy to give in to the siren song
of satisfaction. And we all do it from time to time, in different
areas of our lives. And that’s ok, we have to. We can’t
be our absolute best in every single thing we do in this world,
or we will drive ourselves crazy.
But there are some areas that are hills to
die on.
And knowing which hills these are, is the secret
to living a life of meaning, prosperity, and fulfillment.
So let’s look at that. . .
If you like to play Scrabble, doing it to your
utmost potential is great, but it’s probably not worth
the effort required. And likewise for taking all the time
necessary to be the world’s foremost ping pong player.
Unless you’re a professional, and do that for a living.
But there are some other areas, where you should
never settle for second rate. Or accept less than you are
capable of.
I think being a parent would certainly be one
of these. That responsibility is so sacred, that you should
continually learn, grow, and challenge yourself to get better.
The only way you
can be a good parent is to have this attitude.
The things that affect children have changed
so much since we grew up, and things are changing so rapidly,
that you must always be learning and adapting to provide your
children with the guidance, love and support they need.
A big part of being a good parent is staying
abreast of the influences your children are being exposed
to, and helping them cope with and manage those influences
on their lives. This is easier said than done, I know.
The strong will of a child, the barrage of
guilt a parent feels, and the fact that most parents are just
too exhausted to oppose their children’s desire to watch
inappropriate shows or play violent video games can take over
and cause the parent to cave in. But you can’t. It’s
too important.
It comes down to courage and discipline. You
have to create your own personal / family morals, and use
your courageous efforts to enforce and stand by them. It is
extremely difficult – but not impossible.
It means you have to do things that aren’t
fun or rewarding—like being your child’s parent,
instead of their best friend—but you do it, because
you hope it will make a difference in the end.
And it’s a never-ending process.
. .
Kind of like being in love. Which leads us
to the next area to which you must devote super-human effort
and dedication to growth if you want to make it work. And
that is the investment necessary to have a committed relationship
with someone you want to spend your life with. I can’t
even envision true prosperity, without having special people
in your life, and especially that really special someone.
It starts out pretty easy. You adore them;
they are infatuated with you. You even like those “quirky”
things about them. You know, those little things they do when
you meet them that you find cute—the same ones that
make you want to strangle them after the relationship wears
on.
Relationships take work. Lots of it. Loving
relationships take even more work. Lots more of it. You have
to grow, and you have to celebrate and nurture the growth
of your partner. Even when this growth takes them into areas
that you aren’t interested in, or even may threaten
you.
I’m very blessed to have Drs. Ellyn Bader
and Peter Pearson in my Mastermind Council. Ellyn and Peter
run The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California.
Their latest book entitled “Tell Me No
Lies,” gives us some interesting insights into what
it takes to move from accepting an “ok” relationship,
versus developing a deep, meaningful and rewarding one.
This is when the relationship can and will
withstand the test of time. But this won’t happen if
you don’t make a major and continuous commitment to
it being the highest good it can be. It is another case, like
parenting, where the effort is worth the payback. It is a
fight worth fighting.
And that’s the point I want to
make in all this...
That you must determine the areas of your life
where you will not settle. I’m sure we can do a whole
book on parenting, like we could on relationships. And many
have. But I bring them up here only in the context of using
them as examples of the kinds of areas that are important
ones to grow and develop to your maximum capacity to have
a life of meaning.
So let’s go back full circle to where
we started . . .
We began this discussion with a look at work.
Settling for a job, when you really should be an entrepreneur.
Settling for good, when great is possible.
As you’ve probably discerned by now,
I believe your work is as important to you as your family
and your relationships.
Now let’s clarify that. I don’t
mean to say that you should miss the delivery of your first
child because there was a staff meeting that day. Nor do I
mean that the work you do at the office next Tuesday is as
important as that father-daughter talk you need to have about
drugs, dating and honesty.
But I think what you do is VERY important to
who you are as a human being, and a big part of prosperity.
And the roles you play as a parent or a partner are greatly
influenced by the work you do, and how you do it.
Show me a guy who hates his job, and I’ll
show you a guy with a rocky marriage. Show me a mother who
holds herself back for fear of upstaging her husband, and
I will show you a mother who is being a horrible role model
for her children.
People who tackle their work with joy, abandon
and adventure will approach their marriage and family life
the same way. I think everyone should work. Not because you
need the money (although that’s not a bad reason), but
because your work allows you to develop, contribute and grow
as a human being.
As you may know, I set up my life in a way
that I thought I could retire at 40 years old. My goal was
to live a life of leisure—racing cars, playing softball,
and drinking out of a coconut. That lasted until I was 40
years and nine months old.
I realized very quickly how my intellect and
other mental faculties could atrophy. If I would have done
that for another six months, I would have been happy to sit
at home evenings and watch “Friends.” Which would
be a fate worse than death.
I think we need work that we are passionate
about; work that has us ripping off the covers in the morning,
ready to get to it. I have found that, and it contributes
a tremendous amount to the fulfillment and joy I experience
in life.
Make no mistake . . .
I have balance. I set boundaries so work doesn’t
consume me. I have softball leagues on Wednesday and Thursday
nights, so I don’t work those nights. Sometimes another
night as well. I block off all nights for the Opera, as soon
as the season schedule is released. I finish by early afternoon
on Saturdays, and I don’t work Sundays. (I have church
in the morning, and another softball league in the afternoon.)
If I do seminars on the weekend, I take off time in the middle
of the week.
And the result is, I always look forward to
Monday morning with great anticipation. I know I will have
emails from my partner in Central Europe, and others from
Oslo, London, Sydney, Singapore, Malaysia, or some other exciting
place with details on a project. I’ll have Daily Awakenings
to write, and Online Seminars to brainstorm. I live my life
with passion, and a great part of that passion comes from
my work.
To reach a self-actualized state, I think everyone
really does have to find work that does this for him or her.
I believe . . .
You must have an obsession about something
in order to succeed at it.
Now everybody has obsessions. The question
is what obsesses you? And are your obsessions healthy ones
or unhealthy ones?.
If your obsession is darts, and you think all
day about how you will prevail against the other guys at the
pub that night, that isn’t going to take you very far
towards a life of meaning. If your obsession is the Miami
Blue butterfly that may bring texture to your life, but you’d
better have some more important areas you focus on, as well.
The difference between people with
empty lives and people with meaningful ones is simply the
things they choose to obsess about.
Want to have a life of meaning? Want to leave
mediocrity behind? Want to choose greatness and reach your
highest good? Look at the things that you emphasize in your
life.
Prosperity is not about things and “stuff.”
It is a mindset, and a way of living. It means being in touch
with your spiritual side, and knowing the source of all the
blessings that come to you.
I hope you aspire for a life of spiritual fulfillment,
abundant health, enriching relationships, and outrageous wealth.
It is all these things taken as one that constitute true prosperity.
The life you envision and program into
your daily thoughts is the one you are going to live. So make
it a prosperous one!
-RG
*Chapter excerpt from "Prosperity
Mind" by Randy Gage.
Prosperity
Action Step
1. Take an inventory of your life. In particular, inventory
how many areas of your life are obsessions to you. Good and
bad.
2. How many do you have of each? Why do you have any negative
if you do? And if so, what are you going to do about it?
3. Now look at the positive obsessions in your life. Are they
in the really important areas? Or are they in areas that keep
you from being all that you are capable of?
Give it some real thought. The decisions you make here, are
likely to affect your life for several decades! It’s
the difference between being satisfied . . . and being truly
fulfilled.
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